Your teen's world is in their phone
a. Your teen does NOT want to get off their phone. As parents this may frustrate us – Here are three ways you can approach them:
- When speaking to them, approach them with curiosity. Ask them about their world, instead of imposing your own.
- Discuss with openness – rather than judgment. Their world has the potential to be just as beautiful as ours, and as parents, we should be open to exploring that.
- Welcome their world into yours – do not be afraid to talk to them about their phone and engage with what’s on it!
We should be trying to understand them and their phones, rather than dismissing them. Let us engage in our teen’s media with them!
Handling a parent’s anger
a. Your parent may occasionally be angry – how do you deal with it as a teenager, Here are three things you can try to handle your parent’s anger:
- Approach your parents directly and ask them about their anger. Ask them what’s bothering them, and try to listen and understand their perspective.
- Take care of yourself first – your parents may be unwilling to explain their anger and shut down your questions. It’s okay to take care of you when this happens.
- Look for external support. Turn to peers, teachers, or other family members, and let them know what’s going on. Recognize their value.
You are allowed to stand up for yourself in the face of your parent’s anger. Share with them about how hurtful the words are and the impact on your mental health.
Stress may look different for teens
a. Stress! Something we all deal with, and something our teenagers deal with by the boatload. You know what stress looks like for you, but did you know it may look different for your teenager? Hormones, new social situations, planning for the future, it can be A LOT. Here are three things that may help you better understand their stress:
- Asking them what they’re stressed about, and listening to them without judgment is also key here. They may be able to tell you exactly what’s going on
- Treat them with compassion. They may not know what’s stressing them out – being a teenager is confusing and difficult – sometimes just letting them know you care can help.
- Remember that they’re in a different stage of life. Their stressors are different than yours, but just as meaningful.
Rather than fearing stress and sweeping it under the rug, invite open conversation and dialogue about it. Support your teens in handling their stress.
Quickly boosting confidence in teenagers
a. Self-confidence is something we all struggle with; teenagers have it especially hard. Hormones, social changes, and constantly learning new things, can make it difficult to feel comfortable in their own skin. Want to boost your teenager’s confidence? Try the following!
- Remind them of the richness of their own growth – turning into an adult is a really cool experience and something they’ll only go through once!
- Encourage them to express themselves, in whatever way they feel like.
- Remember that boosting confidence isn’t always about telling them how wonderful they are, but often about encouraging them to be themselves.
Teenagers cannot always see their own worth and beauty – let us support them in the development of their confidence.
"back talk" isn't always "back talk"
a. “Don’t talk back to me” – how many times have you said that phrase to your teen, when they’re resisting something you have to say? So how do you deal with back talk? Keep the following in mind
- For many teenagers, “back talk” isn’t actually back talk. It’s their way of pushing boundaries. Exploring resistance. Finding their voice. In a safe and comfortable space.
- You are often the first authority figure they feel comfortable pushing back against, as they work to find their own way in the world. Take a step back. Ask yourself if they’re truly pushing your buttons – or if they’re exploring their own emotions.
- Listen to their words, and respond thoughtfully, instead of shutting their emotions down.
It is often more powerful to ask “Why do you disagree with me?” rather than telling them “Don’t talk back”. We should empower our teens to explore boundaries and express safe resistance.
Reminder: being a teenager can be lonely!
a. How is it possible for teenagers to be lonely when everything is at their fingertips? Here are three reasons your teen might be lonely, even with their phones!
- The presence of content doesn’t mean the presence of connection – our teens often send many messages to friends during the day, and talk through the night, but those connections may be superficial, or ones they feel pressured to keep.
- Teenagers are rapidly changing – friendships can end as quickly as they are created!
- They may feel lonely in their own body – they’re changing rapidly too, and may not feel connected to themselves.
Remember to check in with your teen, and create a space for them to come to you. They may not always be ready to share, but you can get started by showing them that you will be there when they are.
Don't discourage slang
a. “No cap” “ate” and “bruh” – words we hear our children using, but ones that sound completely foreign to us! So how do we deal with slang? By doing the following:
- Remember we had our own slang – righteous, bogus, and gnarly weren’t that long ago
- Do not criticize their use of slang – it’s a social form of expression, and it’s important not to shut them down.
- Do not be afraid to ask your teen what things mean – though it may be awkward, it also shows that you’re engaged and you care, even if you don’t always understand.
Slang is not new, and it will continue to evolve over time. Let us welcome social expression from our teens instead of discouraging it.
Defining compassion in a parent-teen relationship
a. Compassion is a tricky word when talking about the parent-teen relationship. It’s something intermingled with discipline, love, and teamwork. So how do you define compassion in the context of this complicated relationship? In my mind, compassion is defined as growing together – as opposed to suffering together, the way the dictionary puts it. Together, you and your teen will fight. You will grow. You will learn how to navigate your evolving dynamic. You will love and hate each other in moments throughout. It is important to step back every now and again and remind yourself that compassion is at the core of these complex dynamics. We need each other and love each other – but we often suffer, fight, and grow together too.
b. Compassion – a tricky thing in the parent-teen relationship. How do we define it?
- Growth together, rather than suffering together
- Love, and conflict, in the same space
- Willingness to listen, apologize, and be wrong
Compassion is not an easy thing to maintain in these relationships – but they are vital to the strength of your parent-teen relationship, and to your growing and changing dynamic. Do not be afraid to learn and grow. As parents, we need to begin putting ourselves out there and leading by example. We must model compassion for our children.
Texting with your teen - entering their world is important!
a. Texting! Something our teens are enamored with, and something we may find difficult to understand as parents. Texting is not something we grew up with! However, it’s something that is permanent, and now important in the modern world. Here are some ways you can navigate this with your teen:
- Text them! Enter their world. Normalize your presence in their messages.
- Encourage open communication – you want them to feel that texting with you is normal
- Do not demand, or even expect a response. We are trying to encourage connection, not force it.
As parents, it is important for us to remember that our teens communicate differently than we did at their age. We should be willing to engage with them! Let us begin the process by texting with our teens.
Reminder: conflict is normal
a. Conflict is NORMAL! Parent-teen relationships are not without their bumps in the road, and although conflict can make us feel on edge or upset, it is completely normal to experience. Though normal, it’s still stressful – so here a three things you can do in the face of conflict
- Remind yourself that parents and teens are at different stages of life – you may not always understand each other.
- There’s A LOT of conflict – stress, how you’ve had to eat or how much you’ve slept, other things that happened that day, hormones, and previous arguments… conflict is not one-dimensional!
- Take a moment to breathe, be present, and reset. Notice what’s going on and how you feel. It’s okay to express your emotions, but can you express them in a calmer manner?
In times of conflict sometimes your teen will be right, sometimes you will be right, sometimes both or neither of you will be right. Discuss things further, and allow openness and a willingness to be wrong about things. Let us be supportive of our teens in the face of conflict.
